Sadness....

It comes in waves.

One moment i feel "ok"

The next i am a complete mess.

Multiple times a day i look at my phone.

Waiting for someone to call me and tell me "they've found her"

It was all a mistake.

My mind tells me.

She can't be dead.

Just "lost" she must be.

I want to believe that all the events of the last 7 weeks were just a bad dream.

Then the world comes crashing down.

When reality hits.

And i have to acknowledge that its not.

She really is gone.

I really went to her service.

I really went through her things.

I really have her jewelry.

Not because she let me borrow it.

But because shes no longer here to wear it.

My heart ache more than i can bear.